Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Soul Searching Series of Her life

Sometime she feels like

1. Extending her tiny hand , just to reach the brilliantly glistering stars. Star,just one is enough for now.but she couldn't. because its too far. out of her reach to be exact. this is how she views her future this very moment. Still vague , undecided and better yet lost. Like srsly.

2. draw a map. slide the tip of her ball point pen on the paper into a straight line. Without any curve being created , she would line it straightforward to the treasure island that was even unheard of by any soul. She'd marked an outline of a big red X and bold it.Bold it so thick until it almost tear off that particular area. There is where she wanna go when she grows up,she told myself. Being alone in an island full of mystical creature that unsuccessfully made their way into any fictional stories.

3. Inadequate. Sometimes she feels like she does not belong from where shes happily accepted. She feels like walking away , far away from the brightly blaring illuminated camp fire that was surrounded by the group of disturbingly happy people. She just wanted to be singular. Trap in the comfort of her own room. Being isolated far away from these people.

4. She lies. She lies way too much. Even without realizing it and shes not talking about verbal lying or whatsoever act of cheating but more like spiritually deceiving kinda way. People often view her as the girl who have this kind of impenetrable shield of confidence.The shield that can only be broken only by using the tip of white swirling counterclockwise horn of a virgin unicorn which when the first ray of sunshine darted at the earth first thing in the morning , it would seem as if the creature was covered by thousands of silvery needles , which would pretty much giving an impression pure , sanctity , sacred and everything in between.

What most people should know is , it wasnt really a tough shield that was wrapped all around her all this while. It was just a thin skim layer of self-assurance that she diligently maintained and obtained over the years. Little amount of people know that this thin layer is easily thrustable ,that would not only result in a gushing over abundantly flowing blood of insecurities , fear , trepidation , hatred , self-doubt but also a in the midst of self searching series all over again.

5. She wants to see boy grows to become man , and a man grows to become a fool. And that fool would expires in this gloriously self-arrogance of foolishness.Before it even happening, she wants to prevent that. She was confuse , vain and incomplete. She doesnt know where to end her journey , so she just walk in circular movement. Waiting for some soul that is equally like hers. She would want to talk about almost anything with this soul. She would wants this soul to protects her from whatever monster that would make a sudden appearance and emerged from underneath her bed.

6. She thought this has gone way too far as from her initial plan.Stop is what she have to do now.

p/s : once again , thanks for reading this unbearable post of nothingness. Again , this post has nuthing to do with my life. its her life. her,the one who u merely familiar with over the internet.

citation : Her Space Holiday - The Telescope Reading. Inspires me to the deepest core of my heart.

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