Baby oh dont bite

If there is one thing i adore more than spending my fabulous day with my unlimited spending limit shopping spree while cruising on my daddy custom made lamborghini it will definitely be babiess and toddler within the age 0-5 *because it is annoying after they develop the skill to talk back*.

I think babies all over the world should issued a restraining order for me because I am a dangerous mystical creature who takes biting seriously.

So, for the first time i will unveil my modus operandi towards my dainty prey.
First i will lure them with my upgraded nintendo pink ds coz i know how fascinated they are with all this flashy2 gadgets. If that wasnt enuff i will let them play with all my stuffy colourful plush toys until their mind become totally oblivious of their surroundings. And then when they totally become mind-blinded i will NGAPPP!! them will all my heart! And i will only let them go after their reflex reactions protest loudly and bitterly in grief and pain. Those wailing and panting are like food to my ears and serenity to my heart.

ngap ngap ngapp!! Pastu cicah ngan sambal belacan buat makan ngan ulam..ahh sedapp~

Johnny : Sampai hati die kenekan saye yg baru umur 50 hari nie. Saya tau la saya naif. Jgn la tipu saye. 8 kali raye pun tak mungkin akan saye maafkan diena. jahat die tu i tell u. i can still feel her very teeths that sunk deep into my fluffy meat. Oh the pain!

Gina Jyeah : nanak..tite nanak lagi gi umah witch tu lg..tatit kat pp tite nite tak ilang lagi.. tite nak pegang bunni webit nie je. tite da mentally disturbed da nie. tite tatot nak tido malam2 lagi.

Boner Paradise : tgk muke i nie. kalau toreh pun tak kuar darah tau. m so petrified rite now and probably for the next 30 yrs of my life. I think m gonna turn gay after this. Yes! my whole life orientation has just been decided after ive encountered this dreadful yet stunning woman.

Pailang Besar : Ape..? diena??? bak datang mari la wehh..gua tade gentar punyee..!!

Anyways, this is one of my baby apprentice practicing his talented biting skill. Observe his priceless expression. Cold-frozen-blooded heart. Just what i want.

OH sebelum saye terlupe . Ari nie beday chaq.

Happy 21th born day sayang ku intan payung berlian~ ko tunggu hadiah ko k..aku buat baekkkkk punyaaaaa~~

Ok..i better get back to my work now.
So many work.
So little time.
Procrastination its not good for u and ur sex life. Buhbye now

Ko la yang paling hebat!

Shasha is hebat.
She got us into Urbanscapes with her super mastermind plan.
I am not worthy for ur hebatness me lord.
Shasha u are the best.
Ur idea is just pure genius.
Heck u could become a drug trafficker mafia with ur god damn brilliant brain.

p/s : sha cukup ke aku puji ko nie..nanti ko memekak aku malas da nak dgr..tulis camni da ok kan? ok tak? kalau tak ok aku tuka weh..aku malas nak compose panjang2 nanti jadi merepek dan menyimpang kang.

p/s lagi : post ini akan diupdate dan diedit kerana kekurangan source dan tidak menepati piawaii yang telah ditetapkan.

Diena suka bermimpi yg die tak bole capai. kan?

Did I mentioned that i wud do almost anything just to see Petr Cech in action? No? It must have casually slipped my mind then. But yeah, i wud and this include

Super Duper Combo VVIP Airplane ticket from Manhattan to Malaysia = RM 19698 *i sanggup sacrifice tinggal kerja high-profile i for u*

Food = RM 7000 *bare in mind that i only eat at 5 stars hotel*

Lingerie *wink wink* = RM 2000 *i bought those with genuine diamond (is this what u calld it? yeah..the one with transparent and flawless little stone..all this while i tot it was peebles coz i used to throw it away at one of the sea that my daddy owns) that will soon be trap and suffocate in between my bonts*

Sexy perfume = RM 900 *those with extra hormones added so that he wont notice how ugly i am before we make sweet sweet love*

Ticket to watch the game = RM 103 *bole je senang2 nak dapat duduk tepi prime minister. tapi i humble, malas nak tunjuk riak sangat. tuhan marah ok org riak*

Seeing Petr Cech wiggles his cute bumbum towards my perfectly mold nose the morning we wake up after having such an amazing nite = PRICELESS!

I dont know how much is the total cost of my expenses because daddy always says not to worry about the spending limit of my platinum credit card.So I guess its ok then.

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I always came up with ridiculously overwhelming stories. I choose to be that way coz telling u guys the real story would be boring and it will only last a couples of lines. So i prefer to fabricate my stories.But if u insist , the story behind this sugar-coated tales was actually like this..

Balik keje. Gi piramid. Withdraw duit. Beli ticket. Makan. Balik umah.

tgk..tak best kan?

Petr wait for me lalink ku cinta kanda intan payung berlian emerald susu pekat cap gantungku sayang!

Oh im so happpyyy. As happy as a wrinkle old virgin maid getting laid for the first time.

Gambar nie terlalu sacred utk diconteng.


The most meaningful RM103 i ever spent using my parents money.

Moving on.

I was so suprised to received a phone call from CEO of Adobe himself. He ask me whether its ok to use my initial in one of their product which is Adobe DreamWeaver coz he said it is unethical to steal or use my ubberly famous initials without asking my permision first hand. So i said

"Mo man taiii la braderrr..suke ati lu laa..gua okkk ja..gua taikooo maaa..asal lu tak ranggi lebeh sudeh"

He was so happy that he accidently poop a couple of immature shits which i assumed will definitely leave a skidmark on his designer brand boxer.

The end.

Chelsea is Coming to Malaysia!

Tlg la..ade tak sape2 yg rase die baik ati sangat..
tlg la blanje aku ticket chelsea..willing to wear white wet t-shirt with or without the inner wear. I am dying to go and see Chelsea!! If i buy Chelsea ticket dat means i have to sacrifice my other expenses. But its ok..anything for my darling Petr Cech! I swear m going to have a major orgasmn the second my eyes lays upon his gorgeous stares! And another orgasm when he gracefully dives in for the ball. Aku cinta ko oh Petr!

Tapi tanak blanje sudah! Aku datang jual beger and mineral water kat parking pun jadi la. At least i know that i am just few steps away from my sweet sweet darling Petr Cech! Ahhhh how i wish i could smell his sweat *now this is just plain diskasting*

Oh it turns out that the ticket isnt as expensive as i tot it wud be.
Mmg aku beli yg paling mahal skali la. Stendet ah , berlagak is my best known quality. Tayah la aku nak menagih simpati dan mempertaruhkan maruah begging kat kau. Murah je niee..murahhh jeee niee *air mate berjurai2*.

So Petr, please wait for me. I know dat u are long to see me. We will rekindle back our long forgotten love that we had since i was just a tiny zigot.

Well , to express how grateful and happy i am , i will share some pictures my petr sent to me via email. I love u sayang.

Petr : Sayangg..tunggu abg datang tauuu..Abg rindu bau ayangg..i miss u ucukk..tak sabar nak jumpe anje abg nie. *he says in slowmotion*

Petr : Wait for me darling..I tau u rindu ni kan? Jari hikmat i. U jgn risau..its all urs..wait for me with an opening. miss u

p/s : let me have my own fantasy moment. I have the right to do whatever i want with my fantasy juice. It is healthy and totally normal to fantasize about whoever i want.

My Little Own Foretold Fairytale

For your information , it is not all fun and game being a sole dictator of this made up magical Kingdom of ChibiChibi. Everyday i have to think of different strategies to conquer other kingdome, i also have to come up with more unbearably distressing ways to inflicts and tortures my unsophisticated ill-bred peasant.Dont get me wrong, I like my job. It is my birth given right to do this for my monthly expenses but this job also comes together with a very bad consequences which in this case would mean my people's extreme aversion feeling towards me. So in order to know more about my people I decided to put my power and throne away for just one day and go undercover as a illegal migrant worker/animal/farmer/blacksmith/bondage pro. This is a monthly routine that I've regretted doing ever since.

For this month , I've decided to go to this one Soy Sauce Factory at the very corner of the kingdome which heavily infested by two headed mutate cockroach. So there i was , flicking my hand-down magic wand in the air forming some kind of unknow gesture that magician often do in the morning kids show and POOOFF! I've become a very cute little pink bunny.

Behold the pictures that ive taken using the tip of my wand which is probably the main cause of its lousy quality and countless of invisible but sometime noticeable little white dot that we civilized people called noise.

Im all dolled up to start my day. See how the bunny ears match perfectly with my naturale born blush. Fascinating aint it?

I was so suprised to be granted 1 day permit from my bare chested mentally challenged supervisor. Notice the wiggling bunny hanging on my hand? Apparently she is suffering from a severe austism. Just like me when i was small. But that doesnt hold me back does it? Im still reigning this friggin fantasy land! BOO JYEAH!

This is when I tried to blend in and amazed my colleague with my new found hidden rare talent which is farting thru my mouth. I also noticed that the air that came out from here is more pungent than the usual smell of fart. Maybe I already reached the higher level of Nirvana.

This is me when I was doing my infamouse fake laugh as a respond to my colleague's lame joke and suddenly my wand went unexpectedly crazy and turn me into one ugly blue sea monster. This has made a few of my co-workers to think twice about inviting me to their cocktail party next week. So ive decided to decapitate them myself when m back to being king.

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Yeah..aku pun cant stand myself blabbering nonsense shit. So mind if i stop now? What? U want more? tunggu when the full moon rise from the black lake k. Till then babai n nanait!

R.I.P My Dear Little Friend

If there is one word to describe how amazingly perfect I am it wud definitely be CLUMSY!
Ask my family , friends or u can even ask that girl that did ur boifren twice in her car behind the abondoned house on that hill behind that new chocolate factory. They will all say that i am clumsy as hell. If all my stuffs could talk they wud be cursing me fluently everyday. I bet they even compose a sweet sweet song for me. A satanic rhythm to repel me.

And because of my clumsiness I lost my best friend.

"Dear you,
I am oh so sorry for my rough handle on u through out these days. I didnt meant for all of this to happen. U were the best thing that ever happened to me since ever. If i knew that this wud happened ,I'd just keep u at home, safe from this excruciating outside world. I shudnt have drag u along with me. I was selfish, I was ignorant in every possible way.My negligence towards u shud be punish severely.Now u are gone and i miss u so much. The new guy that replaced u isnt as smooth and sleek as u were to me. I hope u rest in peace.

Love,
King of The Unexistence Island."

So for whoever is reading this , plis give a moment of silent in honour of this poor poor thing.

Cite sebenarnye die camni. Aku tgh buat keje kat opis pastu stendet ah kan..aku kan kelam kabut mengelupur..pastu tertepis mouse..pastu mouse terpelanting..zassssssss terkene dinding..lalu jatuh ke lantai dgn daya tarikan graviti dan impak yg kuat. Pastu rosak. The end

Ok bye..nak g makan

Teman

Dear Dearie you,
I have this friend which goes by the name Muhammad Dinie *bukan name sebenar sbb kalau reveal name betul aku mungkin akan dilabelkan racist*. I have befriend with Dinie for about more or less 10 yrs now. Somehow we end up at the same university. Altho we seldom chat or talk to hang out but we know that we already established our friendship comfort zone. What i like about Dinie is we can cover all sort of issue in just one single ym conversation. Observe how I waste my precious time for him. Not worth it. Not even one single second.

1. Issue : Plagiarism

dinie: aku suka blog ko
dinie: kretip
dinie: sangat kretip
diena wong: ko suke tak aku lukis2?
dinie: byk masa ko
dinie: yes
diena wong: tak byk doh sebenanrye
dinie: aku nak curik idea ko
diena wong: pasal blog aku g keje lambat
diena wong: tlg jadi original plis
dinie: nice
dinie: curik tade la curik seketul
dinie: modified la
diena wong: suke ati ko la
diena wong: tapi ko akan hidup dgn perasaan tak ikhlas di dalam diri
dinie: haha
dinie: aku akan tulis la.. di cilok dr dw
dinie: org tak kenal pun dw
diena wong: ko akan hidup dgn penuh kekesalan
diena wong: kimak lu virgin

Issue 2 : Current National Issue

dinie: ko nak tukar kereta plak?
diena wong: mak aku soh pakai myvi
diena wong: kete nasional
dinie: minyak mahal?
diena wong: mahal weh
dinie: kelisa mana pigi?
diena wong: kalau air mani bole buat minyak da lame aku jadi sundal
dinie: larant ke bayar 1k sebulan
diena wong: kelisa aku tgh pakai skrang
diena wong: babi
dinie: 9 tahun tu
diena wong: jgn jadi mak aku
diena wong: sial
dinie: baik nye mak ko bakar ko
dinie: amik viva la ... murah sket
dinie: jual la kelisa ko kat aku
diena wong: apis pun nak kelisa aku
diena wong: viva tak style
diena wong: aku nak berlagak kaye lagi

Issue 3 : Propose nak beli kete

dinie: bape ko jual kelisa ko
dinie: mmg bebudak skrang suka riak
diena wong: biase la
diena wong: welll
diena wong: kelisa aku jual ikut kati
dinie: harga tanpa... sticker bodoh kat belakang tu
diena wong: kalau telur ko berat bole la beli
diena wong: babi!
diena wong: weh da la
diena wong: ketiak aku da mengumpul bau..aku nak mandi
diena wong: esok keje
diena wong: aku org keje
dinie: haha
dinie: ko ingat aku tak keje ke
dinie: lancau
dinie: 9 tahun tu <-- muncung mulut keluar
diena wong: hahaha
diena wong: tu ah dieeee
diena wong: last2 aku tuka topic
diena wong: nasib baik nampak durian
dinie: 9 tahun beb
diena wong: 9 tahun lagi ko akan idop
diena wong: itu je yg bole aku cakap

And this is what apis have to say

Diena Wong says:
weh dinie pun nak kelisa aku
Diena Wong says:
hahaha
Hafiz says:
dia poyo je


I love to blog more but i am obliged to my work now , thus i have to sleep or else ill be late tmrw. nanait

And oh, I love to do Peter Cech. It is my God-given right.

Penat

Dear dearest stalkers,
This morning was my first day of intern.
It was tiring as hell .It was even tiring then that time I went to Hong Kong to assassinate Edison Chen because of his wrong doings.

I arrived at the doorstep of the office at approx 9.05.
And at 9.10 i already got my first work.
2 hours after that I got my 2nd work.This is so much fun! dont u think so?
But unfortunately the computer that i supposed to do my work with didnt have any Adobe software.So i had to wait for Ronald to be done with his work.

I'd love to write more abt my dreadful day but I am so exhausted to even wink my eyes.
So i guess later then.

Food that goes in vain.

I should have posted this on Friday but as the future President/Minister/High Commissioner of Abstinence to my beloved imaginary country ,I am kindda busy with other important stuff that u peasant didnt know abt *see i just calld u guys peasant..hahahha..degrading aint it?*

Anyways , every Friday is PASAR MALAM DAY at my place which I totally looking forward to go every week because of the obvious reason. FOOD! oh those sweet heaven unhealthy food! These are the food that i bought with my stolen money. Observe how I used my MBA in Food Research that i got from the University of Luar Negara to a good cause.

Name : Chinese Radish
Ingredients : radish , kicap , pakcik cina yg masak tu , bini die , telur , minyak
Remarks : Sedap makan tapi eat too much and u'll be vomiting gas down south

Name : Ayam Goreng Tepung Istimewa
Ingredients : Ayam , Tepung and the remaining of his/her dignity
Remarks : I wish i was vegetarian so that i could save this poor poor little ayam. But then again who gonna save me if i got bird flu? Baik kite makan die sebelum die makan kite.


Name : Mee Sup Naga Berasap
Ingredients : Mee keras yg die lupe nak rendam , daging , ayam , and a few other unidentified objects
Remarks : tak sedap. tayah ade remark.


Name : Rojak Endon
Ingredients : Only god knows
Remarks : tak rase pun. mungkin tak sedap. mungkin sedap.


Name : Tepung Pelita
Ingredients : Pandan , the white stuff , the green stuff that compliments the taste of the white stuff.
Remarks : Sedap nye masyaallahhh!! Personally i think that the inventor of this kuih should receive a nobel prize.


Name : Kutu Piring
Ingredients : Gula merah , kelapa parut , daun pandan and the untangled intestine of alien that i stole the other nite at Area 51
Remarks : Mind the unrelated disturbing/obscene image that magically appear without my aknowledgment



Name : Air Tembikai
Ingredients : Tembikai duhh~ dan jugak mungkin ade sedikit hint of tembakau
Remarks : Manis sangat. Tak bagus utk org bercinta. Dikhuatiri akan mengalami penyakit kelamin yg serious.

Name : Kebab Cik Pah *nie name betul nie. bukan main2*
Ingredients : Roti Pita , ayam yg sembelih,daging , keret , cili dan kasih sayang seorang ibu kpd anaknye.
Remarks: BOLOS KA TAK BOLOSSS!!! Sedappppppp macammm having intercourse for the 1st time behind ur mother's new boifren. Seriously serious.

So now the only question left lingering in ur half-empty mind is ; Kenape diena makan byk sangat?
Well I have the concrete statement to all ur skeptic out there.
Aku bela hantu raya! puas hati?
And he goes by the name Johnny Jyeah. *see no laughing here*

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Hahaha..of course m kidding!! *aku rase la..aku pun tak sure sgt*
But i think the other possible answer to that is just as simple as this.
I have a very high metobolism rate. I burn calory as fast as the oil industries/government/one particular politician *no name mention or ill be in trouble* rob our hard earn money.
Thats why u always see me cannot duduk senyap/hyperactive/a.d.d.
So now u know. What? Still dont get it?
Then this is time u join the government and work ur way to become a prime minister.

So moving on.

I had a conversation with my mom.

Mummy : Kakak betul ke nak myvi?
Dw : Haah *sambil angguk kepale and focus driving*
Mummy : Nak amek 2nd hand ke baru?
Dw : Mane2 je la..kakak tak kesah..asal ade kete sudeh
Mummy : Hmm..mummy rase amek baru je la eh
Dw : Haa..bole jugak *agak sedikit exited tapi control*
Mummy : Tapi kene pk jugak..kakak mampu ke nanti nak bayar 500 dekat 600 sebulan?
Dw : *diam dgn perasaan tak puas hati coz i know where is this going*
Mummy : Campur dgn minyak lagi dekat seribu da sebulan. Mampu ke?
Dw : ntah la *pasrah dgn gaya*
Mummy : 9 tahun tauu..lame tu..
Dw : Mummy..kakak rase nak makan durian laa *tuka topic coz i know m gonna get depressd if we continue*
Mummy : haaa..kat tepi jalan tu ade..benti laa
Dw : ookkk *my mom maybe didnt notice this but that particular moment my heart bleed like it never bleed before*

And along with that, this conversatioon come to no avail.
Tiada jalan penyelesaian.
Last2 aku yg sakit ati sensorang. tq mummy. i love u!

Turning over a new plastic leaf

So i guess i will start blogging again since i found it so much fun doing it at LiveBlog @ Fesbuk *yeah i do spell facebook like that. it is like my mojo. It draws a smile on my face. So deal with it*.
I found myself a bit over too krenki *and yeah i do spell cranky dat way* lately. This has pms-is-a-bitch written all over it. The thing i hate the most about Pms is not what it does to me or my body or my emotion but more on what it does to the ppl around me, people that i actually care and people whom is kind enuff to put up with it *by it i mean me. I am an it when pms kicks in*. Well, look at the bright sight.

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well..unfortunely there is no bright sight.
Maybe i lost my torch lite but bright sight seem a little bit too far to reach even with a torchlite , dont u think? no?
Try being me u asshole.
Seeeeeeeeee m doing it againnn.

Moving on.

Can u believe that i havent started my intern yet?
Everyone is starting theirs and seem so occupied with their work.
But me? Noooo..My only work is kangkang depan monitor sambil tgk series.
Cam loser sial aku rase.

Aku rase lagi cam loser sebab CHAQ dah dok asyik berkepit ngan syam.

So satu budak hitam,
Duduk depan pc,
Jadi la loser,
Order mekdi hari2
*igt tak lagi lagu budak2 hitam tu?*

OMG..Pc and hari-hari could actually rhymes!

p/s : I wud do anything for a ciggy rite now. But no solicitation, unless of course if u make me an offer i couldnt resist.Nehh..not gonna happen. Not even one tiny nano bit.